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You thrive on excitement and the unexpected. Your sexual energy builds quickly, so you realize that you’re turned on before or as you become physically aroused. When you’re in a relationship, you tend to desire sex more often than your partner does.

About 75% of men and 15% of women have a spontaneous desire style.

Why this distinction is important:

Your desire style may make it easier to get in the mood, but it can also cause frustration if you’re with a partner who has a responsive desire style. 

Responsive means that someone gets in the mood after the sexy things start happening and they are highly impacted by their mood and environment. 

Learning how to work with both desire styles makes it easier to improve your connection with each other, in and out of bed.

Wonderlust’s recommendation:

Mindful Intimacy Card Deck

Deepen your connection, explore your desires and spice things up on your next date night.

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You thrive on emotional connection and need the right context to ignite your desire. Your sexual energy builds gradually, often requiring a stronger bond with your partner. More often than not, you may feel physically aroused before realizing that you are desiring sex.

Roughly 85% of women and 25% of men have a responsive desire style. 

Sometimes your desire may feel more spontaneous, like in the beginning of a relationship or during vacation when you’re relaxed, but it usually reverts to being more responsive on a regular basis.

Why this distinction is important:

We’ve been brought up to think sex should be spontaneous, so if you are not in the mood right away, you may assume you don’t want it.

As this repeats, you may start believing you have low libido, when in reality, you probably just have a responsive desire style. That’s why learning how to work with your responsive desire can transform your confidence and connection in the bedroom.

In fact, simply knowing the difference between the two desire styles has been shown by studies to improve libido and other aspects of sexual functioning. 

Wonderlust’s recommendation:

Reignite Desire Masterclass

Learn how to work with your desire style to experience more arousal, pleasure and excitement in bed.

learn more

Mindful Intimacy Card Deck

Deepen your connection, explore your desires and spice things up on your next date night.

shop now

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