One of my closest friends once called me in a flurry of excitement after a long-awaited hookup.
Breathless, she said,
“It was incredible… but something weird happened. I orgasmed, and this gush of liquid came out. I’ve never experienced anything like it!”
She’d officially joined the squirting club.
Squirting, or female ejaculation, is one of those sexual topics wrapped in fascination, myths, and a lot of “Can I? Should I? How do I?” curiosity. Research estimates anywhere between 10% to 54% of women report having squirted at least once in their lives (Salama, 2015; Kilchevsky et al., 2012)—a wide range because many women don’t even realize they’ve done it, and scientific definitions vary.
So, what’s really going on here? And can you—or your partner—learn to squirt?
Let’s break it down.
Squirting refers to the expulsion of fluid from the urethra during sexual arousal or orgasm. It’s not the same as vaginal lubrication or urine (although studies show it may contain traces of both). The fluid mainly comes from the Skene’s glands—sometimes called the female prostate—located near the lower end of the urethra.
And here’s the thing: squirting can happen with or without orgasm, before, during, or after. It’s not a “gold medal” achievement; it’s just one of many ways bodies can express arousal.
Usually you can squirt, but not everyone will—and that’s perfectly okay.
Physical anatomy, pelvic muscle strength, psychological comfort, emotional state, and arousal levels all play a role. Plus, some women and people with vulvas find it pleasurable, while others don’t care for the sensation.
If you’re curious about exploring it, here’s your no-pressure, practical roadmap.
Relax. Empty your bladder beforehand so you can let go of the sensation without worrying if you’ll pee. Throw a towel under you if you’re nervous about mess—it helps psychologically more than you think.
Slow it down. Extended foreplay helps, especially focusing on external pleasure: clitoral play, nipple stimulation, kissing, massage. The more turned on you are, the more the G-spot swells and becomes sensitive.
Using fingers or a toy, aim for the front vaginal wall, a couple of inches in. Try the classic “come-hither” motion with light to medium pressure. Or enjoy penetration if that works for you. Or alternate between both!
Every body is different, so follow what feels good, not what’s “supposed” to happen.
Regular pelvic floor exercises (think Kegels) can increase muscle tone and awareness, which can make squirting easier for some. Consider meeting with a pelvic floor physical therapist to learn which exercises are best for you and your goals, and how to do them correctly.
Whether solo or with a partner, stay present with your body. Let go of expectations, guide your partner if they’re involved, and focus on what feels pleasurable—not just on squirting itself.
As with other sexual situations, if you’re placing pressure on yourself and focusing on the goal, it can lead to anything but that. So remember that it’s about listening to your body and following what feels good.
If you’re hoping to help a partner explore squirting, remember: this is about them, not you.
Don’t treat it like a performance goal. Stay tuned to their signals, be patient, and create a nonjudgmental space. If they squirt, great! If they don’t, you’ve still shared intimacy and pleasure.
Here’s what I tell everyone: Squirting is not a benchmark of sexual skill or satisfaction. You can have incredible sex, mind-blowing orgasms, and deep connection without ever squirting. But if you’re curious, exploring it with curiosity, knowledge, and openness can make it a fun, enriching part of your sexual repertoire.
If you want more personalized guidance or support in expanding your pleasure, I offer 1:1 coaching sessions to help you explore safely and confidently.
Book a call here to learn more.
